Boehner’s Hypocrisy, part II

John ‘really-it’s-flaccid’ Boehner is back at his old overcompensation games, this time by spearheading a group of ‘bipartisan’ Congressmen in a lawsuit against President Obama for ‘illegal’ action in Libya.

What I really love about this cock-waving is that it really is an issue of how the Republicans have no problem filing false suit against a President, yet the Democrats are usually too weak and complacent to do the same. Why wasn’t a suit filed against George W. Bush for HIS illegal actions? How is it that a people incite a revolution (as 13 British Colonies did 236 years ago) and we support them it is ‘illegal’ yet when we INVADE a sovereign nation because cowboy George wants to finish what Daddy didn’t (for good reasons mind you, George Sr. KNEW that the Middle East would collapse with the power vacuum created) no one cried boo?

The problem is that people did cry boo. However when we did, we were accused of being ‘un-American’ or ‘unpatriotic’ or any other number of things to marginalize the opinions which were opposed to Bush’s ILLEGAL war. We even started calling French Fries, Freedom Fries because the French spoke against the war!

The people of Yemen, Tunisia, Libya, and many other countries have risen up and reacted to years of oppressive treatment. However, the GOP doesn’t want these countries to have their freedom, because it might alter the balance of world power and make people who AREN’T WHITE a voice on the world stage!

How do these people deserve to fight for their freedom any less than the people of South Korea or Vietnam or Cuba? They deserve it just as much as they do, and American colonists did in 1776, as Frenchmen did in 1789, etc.

Funny how the oppressed so quickly became the oppressors! Fuck you John Hardon! Fuck you and your agenda! You claim ‘bipartisanship’? Then work with Obama to get us healthcare, tax the rich, and create a stable national infrastructure, and if you don’t like Obama’s foreign policy, maybe you need to head into Cleveland, Cincinnati, or Columbus and speak to your constituents who are Muslim immigrants and ask them why they left the lands of their birth. Maybe a bit of a ‘foreign’ point of view will do you good you stupid corn fed redneck!

Dear Rep. Weiner

Dear Anthony Weiner,

You sad sack of human. You don’t need ‘treatment’ for what you did, you just need to not be a scumbag who attempts to solicit sex on the Internet. Realistically speaking, it’s not that hard. Look, you wanna troll for younger, hotter, tighter sluts than your wife, fine, I get that. However, your last name is Weiner and you sent text pics of your prick! How is it possible that you can be that colossally stupid?
Look, if you want to send pictures of your cock around, that’s fine. Do us a favor, send one to Sarah Palin. That bitch is so uptight that I don’t think she’s seen one since she squeezed her last unit out of her cunt. Now, maybe you’d prefer a lady a bit more politically aligned with your own ideals. I hear that one of the Kennedy women just came back on the market, but she may be a bit too old and skeletal for you.
In the mean time, please, practice a bit on anonymity when you try to get some strange. Maybe try a bath house in Little Odessa or something, just get the fuck off the TV and front page of the New York Times, you’re more embarrassing than Clinton!

Trojans and ‘massagers’

Have you seen this shit? The Trojan ‘massager’ commercial? How the fuck are you gonna call the sex toy you sell a ‘massager’ on national TV no less, when your primary business is the manufacturing of CONDOMS?
Look, the conservatives are stupid, but not that stupid, they know what it really is. Now stop insulting the rest of our intelligence as well and just call them vibrating dildos. That’s what they are, that’s what we all call them, even our mothers call them that.
Carry on.

Casual Observation: The Cult of Children

Ok, look folks. I realize that after you’ve squeezed a unit out your box you get all protective and doting. However, that doesn’t mean that once your spawn reach their pre-teen years that you still need to drive them to school every morning. Frankly, there’s tax money paying for a bus service that you miserable twats are not using, how wasteful is that? Pretty wasteful once you tally in the Carbon-Monoxide your fucking OPEC supporting SUV is pumping into the atmosphere.

So, let’s break down the reasons that you’re a daft twat for not just putting your mouth breather on the bus in the morning, shall we?

I return to point one, that there is tax money paying for a bus service to the school. Many of you coddling mums are likely the same sort who don’t want the teacher reprimanding your children, even though your children are from Hell. You’re the same sort who expect that YOUR child should get the lead in the school play/quarterback the football team/be elected student body president/whatever, even though your cross-eyed little cur has no talent or intellect whatsoever. You are also the same sort who likely thinks that the teacher is overpaid. I’ve got news for you, the teacher is in fact underpaid. You think your kid is a pain in the ass from 4pm until bedtime? Imagine dealing with thirty-five little panty-stains for eight hours a day! Teachers ARE essential to an educated society, your self-importance is not.

I refer to point number two, YOU ARE BEING WASTEFUL! The bus carries thirty or forty little morons, your SUV carries just you and your own little brats. Now, let’s imagine that the school has a student body of one thousand children. What makes more sense, a thousand SUVs pulling into the school lot, or thirty buses? You wonder why your kid has asthma? It is because you are killing him with your car. So, if you drive a soccer-mobile, then you have no business bitching about gas prices, because it is your fault.

Third, you create additional traffic. What, there aren’t enough people driving around at eight in the fuckin morning that you’ve got to increase that by driving the kid yourself? Some of us are even smart enough to car pool, but that is negated by your sniveling twerp taxi service.

Now, I’m sure many of you are aghast that I’m so acerbic towards children, and some of you may not be. Here’s the thing, kids are cool and all, some of them anyway, but many parents suck. I’m also not directing this at those of you with SMALL children who are driving them to nursery school and kindergarden. Again, I’m referring to people who are doing this with MIDDLE SCHOOL CHILDREN! They’ll be fine on the bus, seriously!

 

 

John Boehner and his hypocrisy

House Speaker John ‘No, that’s not a pencil in my pocket, its the dick I’m fucking the country with’ Boehner feels that pressure needs to be put on the Democrats to decrease government spending. Apparently, he feels that government spending under the Democrats has spiraled out of control and may become so bad as to cause a government shutdown.

This is all rather convenient now that the Republicans got all the money they needed to fight their holy war, and the Democrats want to spend money to do things to improve the country. Things like, ya know, HEALTH CARE.

“This is very simple: Americans want the government to stay open, and they want it to spend less money. We don’t need to shut down the government to accomplish that.” is one of the statements issued by Ye Olde Throbing One’s office as an over- simplified and conveniently one-sided assessment of what Americans want.

John, obviously we want the government to stay open, but we also want the government to be able to continue to support the essential services a government in the modern age is expected to provide. You know John, things like HEALTH CARE. You know, that MAJOR area we lag behind Canada, Europe, Japan, and even ‘lower class’ countries like Cuba. Things like education John, you know, the thing that makes us smarter. That thing that, again, Canada, Europe, and Japan are DWARFING us on. Endowments for the arts are something else we like John. Art, John, that very first form of human expression that was discovered in caves aeons before language or writing were developed. We like art John, art has actually been proven to make people better at math and science, but then you’d have to spend some more money on education…

See John, the problem isn’t spending money, the problem is spending money on things that don’t make us better as a people, and more bombs and missiles and guns are clearly not making us better people nor are they making the rest of the world like us any more. Being educated scientists and engineers and artists will make us better as a people and will also make other people like us a lot more.

So what you really mean to say John, and I wish you’d just admit it, is that you don’t think the American people want to spend money on art and science and education. What you think we want to spend money on is more weapons and more of your theo-philosophical ideals.

There’s the problem John, we don’t. We are tired of your ‘security’ which is cleverly guised as such as you rob us of our civil rights. We are tired of your wars to ‘free’ people, which is simply how your racism manifests itself in foreign policy. We are tired of your anti-abortion rhetoric, which is your classism manifesting itself domestically. We are just tired of your polarized, selfish, deceitful manner John, and though your constituents in Ohio may be too stupid to see it, many of us see it clearly.

I really can’t help but find that all of your rhetoric is hypocrisy, since you never seemed too concerned about all the money Georgie needed to bomb brown people and illegally incarcerate them all the while spying on your own people with an unconstitutional bill YOU voted for. Once again John, you prove yourself a man who has no idea what by the people and for the people really means.

Casual Observation #271: More name stuff

If your parents name you Chastity, you have a moral obligation to the rest of us to be a total slut in high school, and even fuck the nerds.

Proper Use of English: You keep using that word, I don’t think it means what you think it means.

Ok, so this post is for all of you black clad, bad music listening, Twilight fan boys and girls. The word goth or the descriptive term derived from it, gothic have no meaning associated with vampires, bad morose music, or men wearing black nail polish. Let me enlighten you a bit, because reading a bunch of Anne Rice’s drivel or worse yet, that propaganda from that Mormon bitch, clearly haven’t made you literate.

Goths, and their cousins the Visigoths, are a series of Germanic tribes who were relevant right around the time the Roman Empire fell, which was 476 AD. So, if you are so ‘Gothic’ then why the fuck are you dressed like it is the late 1700s? I’ll tell you why, because ‘Gothic’ sounds cooler than ‘Napoleonic’ Every single one of you Edward wannabes realize how lame it would be to tart about calling yourselves ‘Napoleonic’ so some tribal leader of lame asses decided to use the term ‘Gothic’ instead, clearly he was no more a history major than a literary genius.

The other possible definition refers of course to Gothic Architecture. Gothic Architecture was a prevalent form of design from the late middle ages to late renaissance period. This style of architecture usually appeared in the design of churches and cathedrals (which are just bigger fucking churches) The style is also attributed to French design of said buildings. So, my sparkly-in-sunlight losers, how exactly does comparing oneself to a church design from six hundred years ago have anything to do with your monochromatic clothing and poorly produced music choices? Oh, that’s right, it doesn’t. Honestly, isn’t the point of all that shit to be anti-Christian? Perhaps not, since you and the Christians have that whole BLOOD-DRINKING thing in common.

This perfectly serviceable word went from describing the most terrifying enemy the Romans had encountered since the Keltoi to describing masturbatory French design aesthetic, and finally refers to a bunch of anemic, pasty, crybabies who are so hell bent on being different, that they do it the same. Good work human race, you’ve failed again.

How to lie with a straight face, this week’s guest instructor, Donald Rumsfeld

Donald Rumsfeld, just returned from spending time at his winter retreat in Hell participated in an interview with CNN’s ‘State of the Union’ and had some rather interesting things to say about the war in Iraq.

Donald said that if we had known there weren’t weapons of mass destruction, then we ‘probably wouldn’t have invaded’ Really Donald? You have the gall to lie to us about this again? Then he threw the Iraqi defector under the bus for his false report, yet made no mention OF THE DOCUMENTS FABRICATED BY BRITISH INTELLIGENCE! Remember those Donald? The one’s that were proved to be forgeries, and Tony Blair was all like, ‘Um, yeah, I don’t know what to tell you about that’ The documents that were propped up as EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE to invade?

What this interview really is, is an attempt on this weasel’s part to absolve himself of responsibility in the mess that was made by HIM and Dick Cheney! Let’s be honest here folks, Bush wasn’t a terrible leader, because he wasn’t a leader. He was a puppet with Donald Rumsfeld’s and Dick Cheney’s hands up his ass. THIS is the man who made the decision to go to war, and he is passing the buck.

Additionally, he doesn’t think that the foreign perception of the US is better under the Obama administration, and that there are no facts to support this. So, what you’re saying Donnie, is that it is unacceptable to think that the other people in the world like us more, but you can commit to a second war without hard evidence? Are you kidding me Donnie? Are you fucking kidding me?

Lastly, and most enraging of all, he said that he was concerned about the budget because ‘Congress was stuffing money down the Pentagon’s throat’ WHAT IN THE NAME OF JULIUS CAESAR’S BLOODY ASS ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU WARMONGERING BEAST OF CHAOS? You, the Defense Secretary, thought that you had TOO much money to spend on guns and bullets and bombs and missiles and other phallic objects to prove how tough you are to third world countries? You thought you did a good job of overseeing the Pentagon’s budget? So, my armband wearing adversary, if you had so much extra cash to spend on things, why didn’t you say ‘Hey FEMA, things seem kinda fucked over in New Orleans, can I lend you a few more helicopters and ALL OF THESE FIELD RATIONS THAT ARE JUST SITTING AROUND?’ I know why you didn’t, because you had to spend money FABRICATING EVIDENCE TO SUPPORT YOU AND HOLY ROLLER GEORGE’S CRUSADE AGAINST THE EVIL ALLAH WORSHIPPERS! What’s wrong guys? Are you pissed off that the Muslim’s are stealing Christianity’s schtick of going into other people’s countries and forcing your backwards mythology down their throat? I guess you’ve been too busy doing that in your own country. Honestly, what am I saying, I mean I know King George believes in ‘god’, but let’s be honest here Donnie, how many Black Masses have you been to? Are they as cool as they seem in all of those movies with Julian Sands?

Donald Rumsfeld, you should be ashamed of yourself as an American you lying, shameful, racist bastard. Do me a favor, and go hunting with your buddy Dick. Stand directly to his left, ok?

Proof that Justin Bieber has no credibility in Rock and Roll

He’s a Christian.

Oh, you want more than that? Ok, I figured that was a good enough answer.

Ask Scott Stapp how being outspoken about his Christianity has invigorated his music career. The answer you should get, if he was being honest, is that it screwed his career in its figurative ass. No one really listens to rock and roll for the warm wholesome message, I got news for ya Biebs. Let me give you some examples of why not.

Sympathy for the Devil, The Number of the Beast, Hell’s Bells, Highway to Hell, Sin City, and Runnin With the Devil are just a few song titles that DIRECTLY invoke darker beings in Rock. Which is just one facet about Rock and Roll. The other two are drugs and sex.

That’s the point, Rock and Roll is about sex, drugs, and sin, and THAT’S why we love it, because it is honest, and fun and doesn’t carry all of this pretension of ‘faith’ There may be a few songs that slip through the cracks and are related to gospel or soul music, but the difference is the root of it. I’m gonna burn some asses with this, but black people make better Christians than white people, so I can deal with a little preaching from my darker skinned brothers (remember, the Irish are the Blacks of Europe, and I’m Black and I’m proud!) Plus, Black musicians tend to praise Jesus, then go shoot some smack, which keeps it real Rock and Roll. White people, first of all, use religion as a tool to control people and force their puritanical agenda down everyone’s throat, and second, don’t do a lot of the sex and drugs part after they preach in their songs. When was the last time Amy Grant got arrested for possession? How often do you hear about Jars of Clay having an orgy of hookers in their hotel room? Does anyone even know what the members of Lifehouse look like?

So my mid-pubecent Canadian crusader of moral virtue, have fun telling your audience that ‘god’ loves them, but I wouldn’t count on having them as an audience for long. They’re going to grow breasts, hair on their crotch, and learn how great an orgasm feels and move on to musicians that can fulfill that need, and right now, even an old man like Keith Richards is fulfilling that need FAR more than you.

Jim DeMint, proving once again that South Carolina sucks

President Obama is having his annual budget attacked by every goose-stepping facist in the Grand Ol Party, but if I may say so, I believe Jim DeMint takes the cake for being supreme asshole of the bunch.

See, Senator DeMint feels that PBS and its supporters represent a ‘Muppet lobby’ meaning that those of us who believe there should be funding for a Public Broadcasting System are muppets. I don’t think he means this in the English slang sense, he isn’t clever enough for that. So I have a few words for the Senator.

Jim, do you realize that pretty much every program on PBS is designed to educate people? I know that amongst the Carolinas, your northern brother is a bit more known for colleges and education, so this may be a bit beyond your understanding, but these programs encourage our nation’s youth to LEARN!

You remember what learning is, right Jim? That thing you do from books! Oh, nevermind, the only thing you seem to know to do with books is BURN them.

Sesame Street, which is populated by Muppets, taught many of us the alphabet, taught many of us our first words in Spanish (which I’m sure offends you Senator, because forbid anyone in this country to speak something other than English, which we don’t, or so my English friends tell me) That show also taught us other things Senator, like how to share with others, how to be kind to people who are different, and to be a basically decent human being. However, as a politician, you know nothing about being a decent human being, and being a Republican, you sure as shit know nothing about sharing, helping people, or accepting anyone who is different. So, FUCK YOU SENATOR, FUCK YOU IN YOUR ASS WITH A NEW YORK CITY STREETLAMP! I realize this may be unnecessarily vulgar, even for me, but your kind of person is the REAL problem with this country today, NOT a budget that includes funding for the arts, for education, and health care.

Personally, I hope you see the results of your shortsightedness by your grandchildren becoming incapable of reading, your family fortune being squandered by them, and that all your grand-daughters get knocked up by men who are brown in color and foreign in name.

Or, you and the rest of those rednecks you call constituents can just secede from the Union again, that’d be cool too. We don’t really need your tobacco, and Egyptian cotton is more comfortable than yours anyway. At least those people are interested in POSITIVE reform you Vichy French Nazi Supporter!